Farmer Fail

I wore the best angora wool,

Ate the finest angus prime rib…

Baked only free range chickens;

Hobby farming’s what I did.

I scrambled giant goose eggs

Fried bacon from the kid’s pet pig…

Ate catfish from my garden pond,

With frog’s legs that I gigged.

I made wallets for Christmas gifts,

From the finest home-tanned leather…

I hand plucked pounds of goose down,

To stuff blankets for winter weather.

Now these vain accomplishments,

Haunt and torment my guilty strife.

These farm animals were loyal to me,

And I failed to save their life.

Rest Home Misfit

I’ll never fit in at a rest home,

Nor give up my 7^th grade humor…

If I look serious when found dead,

Any speculation, is all a rumor.

I laugh at all the gutter jokes,

See life’s fails as humorous irony…

Life’s too short to wear a frown

Happy’s all I want to be.

Neighbors discuss bowel movements,

Complain of arthritic pain…

I say wash down another aspirin,

With wine and dance again.

Increments

I set my milestones at fifteen years,

It drove my friends insane.

“Why do you rush to the future,

When so many years remain?”

I hated Baskin Robbins,

Three dollars for a single cone…

I could go to Safeway,

And take one gallon home.

I refused to go to concerts,

And pay ten dollars for a beer.

I watched ball games on my TV,

With a same price 12 pack near.

I’m sixty-five years old now,

Imagining I am eighty years old.

The fifteen-year equation,

Can’t buy back the times I’ve sold.