Christmas Diet

I have an eating disorder.
In short I am getting fat.
I can’t get the hang of bulimia,
Or pull anorexia from a hat.

I need to purge a gallon,
Of ice cream and one baked potater,
But I never think of vomiting,
Until twelve hours later.

I eat all until the fifth serving,
Ignore that important finger…
So every doughnut and piece of pie,
Makes me grow like a fat opera singer.

I have read the Hollywood secrets,
Memorized the skinny star’s facts,
But damn I forgot to purchase,
Five boxes of chocolate Ex-lax.

Exercise is out of the question,
I am way too fat to jog,
I will start by drinking no Pepsi,
And stick with the Christmas Nog.

I will turn down all sugar cookies,
Eating only the Almond Rocha,
Dining on only Italian cuisine
And purging con mi boca.